you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
