There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
