remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
