when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize