All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
