He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
