When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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