I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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