marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't notice because vodka
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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