you have to choose: penises or morals?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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