you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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