textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
