There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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