she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
