woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
