I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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