I feel like abortions should bother me more
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize