Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
