we have officially lost it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
