I think im going to throw up on grandma
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
