Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
