It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
