Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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