I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
