; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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