i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
