fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
