Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
