this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
