Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
