could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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