You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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