just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
