My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
