FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
