I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
