So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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