Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
