WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I checked into jail on foursquare
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
