Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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