apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
