So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
