I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
