just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
