if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
