oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
