You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
