I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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