You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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