I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
