I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
