either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You ruined the universe
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize