you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
