Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
