im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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