ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
