Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
