it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize