Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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