Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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