its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
