this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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