Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
