There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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