his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
