So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
