I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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