there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
