Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
