yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
