We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
