You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
