She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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