I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got inside last night via doggy door
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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