I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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