There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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