"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
