I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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