I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
