I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
