Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
