I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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