Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
MIDGETS
????
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize