Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
