just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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