No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
