walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
