Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
