dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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