Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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