Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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