also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
