a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
