i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
