I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
