I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
