When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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