You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
