Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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