Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize