I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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