someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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