i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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