margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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