put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i now understand why vodka
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
