I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize