Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
