He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
